Nostalgia and Self-Loathing

I was putting around online and, through an incredibly boring sequence of google searches, managed to stumble upon a website for the little mountain town where my grandfather lives and where my mom grew up. You have no idea how excited this got me; I cannot believe that there is a website. Who cares if the English on it is nearly incomprehensible and the videos don't actually play?? This is a revelation and it's made my day.

How ridiculously emotional was I about this finding? I nearly cried. I'm serious. It makes me incredibly nostalgic, in a good way, for this town that I had spent many a summer in and around, but then it leads immediately to how I'm such a terrible granddaughter who can hardly speak Chinese anymore and has not stayed in my a-gong's house for more than 2 nights in the past few trips I've taken to Taiwan. I honestly do spend a lot of time wondering if my relatives in Taiwan think of me as a disappointment.

Why is it that nostalgic daydreaming always seems to end in me getting angry with myself? It's kind of tiring.

Take it back

So I know not to expect much from New England springs, but winter, which got a late jump, apparently is deciding to extend itself for a bit longer. It was legit snowing here earlier this week (not just flurrying, like big fat flakes showering down, clearing my car off snow) and though it hasn't been that cold (like, 40s) and I refuse to complain, part of me remembers that it was getting gorgeous by this time last year. That's right, you'd better take it back, Staten Island Chuck.

Speaking of this time last year, in less than two months I will have been out of college for a year. This is honestly way too weird for me. Up til this point I have always replied to people's questions about where I go to school with a, "oh, I just graduated." I expect that once I've been out for a year, I'll have to say "I graduated last year." This is not okay. It doesn't make sense to me why I desperately cling to college. I loved Amherst, but to be perfectly honest I'm not sure I was super happy there. I did a piss poor job of being social and meeting new people. I guess I hate to think I'm done with college when I regret that I didn't do more with my time there. As long as I don't think I'm totally done then I still have time to make it better, right? I think part of me has been hypersocial since school ended to make up for it. Oh well, better late than never.

In less embarrassingly revealing news, my sister shared the following amazing Peeps diorama contest from the Washington Post. Yes, the winner did buy Swarovski crystals to adorn his marilyn monroe peep. Um, wow.

Also, google says that "neuroscience" is an incorrectly spelled word (both when it's capitalized and when it's not). Jennie, I expect you to fix that.

The end.